And the story goes on and on and on and on ...
2002-08-23 || 7:15 p.m.

A couple of days ago my friend, Justine, rings. She leaves two garbled messages on my BT call minder telling me how much she wants to see me, how we must get together etc and leaves me her mobile number. For one reason or another I didn't ring her back immediately. She is persistent. She rings again that evening so we arrange for me to go and visit her today at midday.

So I leave the house. Its a two mile walk but I don't mind. It starts to rain. I still don't mind. I feel about as happy as a character in a Samuel Beckett play as I walk along the road. I see the woman who scared me a few weeks back so I smile. Its beginning to pour but I'm ok. I like walking in the rain. I find her house. She is out.

Fuck me. I would walk any amount of miles in the wind, rain, hot sun for anyone. Really. But I would at least like to find them there when I arrive. So I ring her on her mobile. She's - guess where - in the pub. She forgot me. She's a drunk and these things happen. I know that. She feels bad. I feel bad for her. So I walk another two miles to the pub to find her. I can't resist a little dig when I get there, 'yes I love four mile walks in the rain' I say.

I think I have unnecessarily high ideals. I would just like to find someone who would do the same for me. Someone who would walk miles in the rain to see me. Who would walk across the ocean for fuck's sake, if necessary. I don't want them just to say they would do it, I actually want them to mean it.

Anyway, I want to put this in here, just because I like it. Going round the supermarket this afternoon I just kept getting it in my head. There is some beauty in the world you know.

So, I've made peace with the falling leaves. I see their same fate in my own body. But I won't be afraid when I am awoken from this dream and returned to that which gave birth to me.