Barry
2002-08-08 || 9:49 a.m.

8th August 1992.

Today one of my very best friends died. He was only 24. I met him because he worked with Alain. One wet winter lunchtime in late 1987 we all went to the pub for a drink. This was in the days when the pubs were only open from 12 to 3 at lunchtime. We only meant to have a couple of drinks. I was at college and I had walked down from there and Alain and Barry both had to get back to work. However, we ended up drinking until 3 o'clock and then we were thrown out.

The following spring we went on a day trip to France with a few other people. I said to Alain and Barry that they should watch out because I could guarantee that me and the black guy in our party would be the two who would get stopped at customs - and we were. I was pregnant then but I didn't know it. Funnily enough I had gone off drinking so my brain was not aware but my body clearly was. Alain and Barry got very drunk. We were bringing duty free cigarettes back for people and we bought more than the allowance so we gave some to Barry to carry through customs. He had managed to smoke a couple of packets before we even got off the coach! He was drinking Calvados which is EVIL. When we got back to Dartford he puked up everywhere.

He had his driving test the next day. And he passed! He must surely still have been drunk.

Barry only ever wanted to go to India and Thailand. When I had Rebecca him and another guy would come and visit me every evening. They would bring her totally inappropriate and very kind presents (like footballs!) and listen to stories about the contents of nappies and other boring mummy stuff. Barry came round and saved both his money and his holiday for three years. I liked him because he ALWAYS laughed at my jokes and he would always turn up at about 7 o'clock and the conversation would go something like this:

Me: Have you had any dinner?

Barry: Er ... no.

Me: Would you like some dinner?

Barry: only if you've got enough.

Me: yeah, sure.

Every evening I cooked extra because I knew, like clockwork, Barry would be there. He rather liked my cooking.

In April 1992 there was a general election. The bastard Conservatives got in again. I remember the evening well. I didn't stay up and watch the coverage like I normally would because the fourth result in was Basildon in Essex and the Conservatives took that. I knew they had got in again so I went to bed. The next day Barry came round, devastated. We had all been so sure that Labour would get in this time. We just sat there, on the sofa, and stared ahead at the TV in a stunned silence.

Then in May Barry got to go to India and Thailand. He wrote a letter saying what a good time he was having. When he came back he came round to see us.

Within 6 weeks he was dead.

He was diagnosed with a brain tumour at the beginning of July. It was inoperable.

He died on August 8th 1992. It was a Saturday and I was having a party. Whilst we were enjoying ourselves, he was dying.

His funeral was mad. The church was packed. On the day of the funeral I played 'Nevermind' continuously because it was the album we had often listened to together. It rained. I've never seen so many flowers or so many sad young people altogether in the same place.

If you saw Barry in the street you would think he was just a typical drunken young guy, concerned only with smoking, drinking and partying but he had a DEEPLY spiritual side. I've only written down the trivial normal stories you have about people here but we would talk about many things and Barry was just so aware, so wise.

It was no surprise to me when I learnt he would die.

Six months after he died I met him again. I dreamt that I let myself into my house and Barry was waiting for me there, sitting on the sofa. He looked different but I knew it was him (a bit like the Ab fab scene!). I was overwhelmed at seeing him and he told me that he would not be returning to the earth now (ie reincarnating) he was now in a different hierarchy. I wanted him to stay to see Alain but he wouldn't. He said that Alain wasn't ready to talk to him yet.

And then he went.